Why does death tear families apart?

We all get older as we do we find that we are faced with many of our loved ones passing. I have been to too many funerals in the past year and have found that during and after someones passing some families really come together and cherish the time they had with that person and some have difficultly because of past problems. I understand that families have problems and fights.... wow... who doesn't. Life is not perfect are we are definitely not. I know that my sister and I still fight and have had many fights but she is my sister and we forgive each other because we are family.

I often find that some family members get greedy, selfish and can't forget the past. Why when someone passes do we worry about money expect to make sure we have enough to cover the funeral and past debts. Now I worry about money when I pass because I want my children to be taken care of but when my kids have kids of their own and so on... I am not worrying anymore. With all the deaths this past year my sister and I have talked a lot and well... I know that I was jealous of my sister and the time and money my parents spent on her. As I get older I think why would have my parents not done the same for me well.... I think about it and realize... my sister and I are different. When we raise our kids we treat them fairly not equal because every kid has different needs. My son has fever seizures. When he is sick my husband and I are watching him and really worried about his next seizure. As for my daughter when she is sick we worry but not to the same extent or degree. Are we bad parents for doing this no because Rayna will have her own things that we do for her and not for Peyton.

I guess what I am trying to say is that when someone you love passes think about all the things they did with you and how much they added to your life. Try not to focus on who gets what and realize that you all are grieving and have compassion for one another because each person is affected differently. Why should you be mad because one family member got the piano and you got a locket or an old house to clean up. Whomever passed away did it that way for a reason.... remember they did things differently because of how each of you are different. Get over it..... Life does go on and how you are remember when you pass will be reflected on how you are in your life.

Understanding Death

How do we teach our kids what death is?

My grandma of 93 years passed away February 1st. We will all miss her very much and know that she lived a very full life. I am very blessed that both my kids were able to meet and spend time with their Great-Grandma. Peyton and Rayna are quite blessed. They have two sets of Grandparents, two Great-Grandma's, one Great-Grandpa and one Great-Great Grandpa who is 105.

I was trying to explain to Peyton, who is 31/2 years old, that his great-grandma, my grandma, had passed away . He either didn't have the attention span to listen to what I was saying or had no understanding of what I was trying to tell him.

I am noticing now in the last couple weeks since the passing of my Grandma that Peyton has been using the word die... a lot. He uses it so freely and doesn't quite understand the meaning of the word die or dead. I would like to find some way to help him understand or maybe he is just to young.

My cousin has a boy the same age as my son and her son seems to definitely understand the meaning of death. This maybe because his Grandpa passed away two years ago and his passing has had a direct impact on his life since he spent a lot of time with his Grandma and Grandpa.

Maybe Peyton can't understand it because Grandma's death doesn't really relate to him. He had spent some time with her but only about 3 - 5 times a year. I am trying my best to help to understand but most of the time he just makes me laugh because he is soooooo not listening to what I have to say. The craziness that comes out of his mouth has nothing to do with dieing or understanding death at all.

I was explaining the dangers of balloons to him today and how putting them in your mouth is not safe at all. I was telling him that he can't put them in his mouth because he could swallow the balloon and choke on it. I was trying to explain that Mom and Dad would be very scared and he could die from choking. I don't know if his lack of understanding and silliness is because he is trying to avoid and get out of the conversation or he really doesn't have the capabilities to understand what I am trying to explain to him.

Is my son ready to understand what death is?
Does he not want to talk about it and tries to be silly to avoid the conversation?
Should I want him to understand what death is or try to keep his innocence for longer?
Does the understanding of heaven make it easier for kids to understand what death is?
How do you teach about death but not scare them?